Sunday, November 30, 2008

Stop the Judgment

I have let all of November go by without posting something about November being National Adoption Month. I try to not be over emotional about things, but several things about Micah's adoption have made my husband and I quite passionate about the topic. So much so that we are considering what kind of voice we can have and how we can be an encouragement to others. Whether it be birth mothers, churches, adoption agencies, etc., we are feeling the desire to minister. We have witnessed a family and church who chose to not judge a young girl, but instead they chose to take her in, fully support her, and follow through with support to help her do the right thing. In our 15 or more years of working with teenagers we can honestly say this kind of support and lack of negative judgment accompanied with teaching accountability is rare.As we think through it all, at some point I will blog more about it I am sure. The conclusion we have come to is the church has missed the boat here. They have missed it on many levels, but for this post I want to talk about the division among adoptive families in the church. For those of you who do not adopt you may not even realize this exists. When God calls us to do something we tend to become passionate about it and develop the attitude that everyone should do it. I think we can all see why that would not be good. In the adoption world there is the thought that if you do not adopt a minority child then you really have not done anything special.(Not that we adopt to do something great, but adoptions of minority children get more attention.) There is also this division between those who adopt domestically and those who go international. It is becoming increasingly popular to adopt from other countries and these adoptions are getting a lot of attention. This division was made very clear to me recently when I was talking with a family who is about to adopt from Ethiopia. She asked me if I thought it was better to go domestic or international. I told her I did not think there was a better. We believe God has chosen children for certain families and He leads you down the path you should take and no adoption is more special than the other. I believe it should really be no more special than your biological births either. All children are a miracle sent by God. She went on to say that she had received some flack for going international and I told her I thought that was sad. Well, then she started with how she did not understand why more people would not consider going international. She thinks they find it too difficult to fly to another country and is so easy to just go to your local agency to pick one up. She went on to say that these children in orphanages in other countries are the real orphans. Most of their parents have died and the children in the US have just been given up by irresponsible parents. Yes, this is a true story and all of this was really said. I mean really! Does it really seem like we have had it easy this time? An international adoption where it is all done the second you step on the plane to leave that country is sounding pretty good right now. I sat there in shock and am so upset with myself that I did not say more. So, as I think about all of this during National Adoption Month, I want to encourage us all to stop judging everyone involved. Birth mothers are sinners just like you and me. They need to be loved, held accountable, and supported. Even the birth mother who is irresponsible and has no desire to change chose life for her child and that should be commended. God calls us to take care of the orphans. Children who are not being cared for are orphans whether they are white, black, Hispanic, Hawaiian, American, or any other nationality. They are orphans whether their parents are dead, are irresponsible, or just plain will or can not take care of them. Let's move past all of this judgement and if God calls you to adopt, please have an open mind and let Him lead you.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Micah is Home

Micah is home and in a deep, deep sleep. I believe every nap was interrupted in the hospital so, he is exhausted. He has salmonella. We have no clue where he contracted it. The moral to the story is to wash and double wash your hands. And then spray Lysol on everything the kids touch. I have to go. I am off to but Lysol, bleach, and Purell.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

There has been much to post about, just no time. As I type this I am at the hospital with Micah. On Monday he spiked a temp of 106 and started seizing. We have been here since then trying to determine the cause of the fever. He has been such a trooper. The spinal tap, multiple blood draws, IV stick, and doctors and nurses touching him every few minutes for the last three days have brought about major separation anxiety. He is doing much better, just needs mommy by his side and I am happy to oblige. We still do not have an answer and since his fever spiked again last night, we are here at least another night. Please pray for his healing. i would also like to think this was a one time thing and he will not be one of those children you here about spiking high fevers and having seizures every time they are ill. It was very frightening and I hope it does not happen again. Thank you to all of you who have sent emails and left phone messages. I can not use the lap top in his room. So, I have to wait for Bruce to get here to give me a quick break. I will respond to all of the messages when I get home.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Spiritual Attack

I have wanted to post for the last week, but could not think of anything nice to say and we all know what our mamma's said about not have anything nice to say. I know you are probably all tired of hearing about our adoption woes and such, but I have been working through some things and need to verbalize. When we first started going through all of this a friend said that she believed adoption was an avenue that Satan used to bring on spiritual attack. I thought it was interesting but did not think much of it.Even a perfect adoption is stressful and tiring. What better time for Satan to attack than when everyone is physically and emotionally exhausted. Add to that the fact that you are reminded everyday during an adoption that as far as the state is concerned you really have no right to your children. We understand the process the courts must go through and not every adoptive family has the best interest of the child at heart. But, if you happen to get a judge who believes every birth parent has a chance, then you are in trouble.It does not matter to that judge that drugs, abuse, etc. are involved. That is when you realize we really do not have a right or a choice and that is scary. We have been told our judge looks out for the best interest of the child. We will see. But, all of that to say, yes, adoption is stressful on a marriage.It can destroy you financially, emotionally, etc. Just as in any other crisis which comes along, it is difficult to keep it all going in the midst of a huge cloud hanging over your head. We are fine. Do not think we are teetering on divorce or anything, but we have to remind ourselves daily to not let all of this break us. It has been a reminder to me to pray more fervently for those I know who are going through a crisis. God can insure you keep the child or heal you of cancer, but if Satan has destroyed your marriage in the mean time, what have you gained?

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

To Be Continued

Well, it was continued again. The birth father "did not have time to get an attorney." The judge did hear all of our testimony, the birth mother's and our social worker. He also called a couple of witnesses from the courthouse. I cried out of exhaustion and disappointment. We were all pretty ticked.(I am being nice.)How can you be the cause of all of this, but not have time to get representation? And on top of that, how can it be allowed? I know the judge is giving him his due process to make sure his decision cannot be overturned, but the whole system just stinks. WE have our ducks in a row, birth mother jeopardizes her new job and takes more than a week of after only working a week and a half to be here, and he gets a continuance. I really do not get it. But that is where we are. We do not have another date yet. I will keep you updated. By the way, the birth mother did a terrific job. We were so proud of her!