Friday, June 13, 2008

Adoption #4

I have posted some pretty dreary realities on adoption. I wanted to end this small series with a positive post. Bruce and I are often asked by people who are thinking of adopting, "Do you love that child just like you do your biological children?" I know it may seem like an ignorant question, but it is not meant to be so negative. People are really afraid of bringing a child into their homes and not loving them right away. And sometimes it does take time to develop a bond. But my answer is always YES. I always thought that maybe it was because Isaac was our first and I had nothing to compare it with. On my first visit with him, he sat in my lap and called me Mommy. He screamed and clung to me when it was time for me to leave. To leave him that day was the most painful thing I had ever had to do. I now know that the fact that he so quickly called me mommy after leaving his mother was a huge red flag for attachment problems, but I just saw it as him wanting to be with me. Even though that flag was there and we have had things to deal with, Isaac has certainly attached and bonded with us. I attribute that to God and the fact that we are very open in our home. He is always allowed to speak his true feelings to us and we work really hard at just listening, affirming his thoughts, and loving him through it. Our only rule is he must tell us in a respectful tone. We were getting no where when we allowed him to yell and scream his disdain at being adopted. We had a revelation one day that we would never allow our biological children to speak to us in a disrespectful way and didn't he want to be treated the same? Holding him responsible in that way, and showing him that we saw him in the same light as his siblings seemed to be somewhat of a turning point. I am digressing, but I thought that may be helpful to someone going through this. Anyway, back to Isaac being my first. I realized that theory was not true the first time I held Micah at the hospital in Hawaii. As soon as I cuddled him in my arms I knew he was mine. I had wondered how awkward it would be. I did not know who would hand him to me and when I realized it would be the birth mother I was so nervous for her. Inside I was a basket case. I think I hid it well. I wanted to be strong for her. Now I realize she is stronger than I will ever be. She was so great and there was no awkwardness. I remember her saying with a huge smile, "Here is your Mommy." I knew he was mine, but I love the fact that I share this bond with her. So, as I write this with tears and am barely able to see the screen, yes, I love my adopted children just like my biological children. We have never regretted the decision we made to adopt. There are unknowns in the adoption we are going through now, but there are two things i try to remember. 1. There are never any guarantees in life. Any of my children could be taken from me at any moment, therefore we need to cherish every second. 2. I believe in a sovereign God. If in the end it does not work out the way we hope, God knew all along. He meant for Micah to be a part of our lives for the time we have him. Just so you know, there is an unknown, but everyone thinks the chances are slim that we would lose him. We just can not completely rest until it is done.

Our experiences have been such great pictures of God's grace and His sovereign control in our lives. You really have no control over what happens. In the end, the good, the bad, the ugly, it is all just beautiful. We are in the palm of God's plan. You see, it is one thing for God to create your child in your womb. Yes, it is miraculous and I am not down playing that. But, when I look at all that is orchestrated in an adoption, it really is just beautiful. To think He has that child picked out for you. Out of all of the children in the world it is that one. And the path that He takes you down is sometimes hard and frightening, but still beautiful. One day I want to tell our stories in more detail and you will know what I mean. Bruce and I have agreed until this is final to not do that, but soon. In the mean time know that I love my children and the path God has taken us down. Isaac's huge smile and the fact that he still loves to cuddle me at 10, still melts my heart. I love, love, love that Micah loves to sleep in my arms. He is so beautiful and already has this really deep, fun belly laugh that makes us all giggle. We are just really thrilled with the family God has given us.

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